Not Everyone's Cup Of Tea

It is funny and sad to realize that the person you used to spend so much time with talking to has suddenly become a stranger to you. Remembering what you had in common then and comparing then and now, doesn't help. You are only left wondering what made you like each other in the first place. Such bittersweet moments make life different. They make us change. I realize that now. I'm not angry about it. I'm pondering. I have always been an over thinker and analyzing situations keep me busy sometimes. I know I have made some questionable decisions in the past and even now I feel like I have still. But they always say never regret making them for they can either teach you something or perhaps even take you to a better place. Perhaps I am a little bit upset. When it comes losing connections, I feel the loss. Although I am good at hiding it or I am good at keeping myself distracted, my feelings and thoughts remain glued to it. Just recently I found myself in a dilemma. I used...

source: Konbini on Instagram: “📷 @martasyrko” There are so many things I want to say, So many reasons I wish to convey, Yet my mind is a blur, I feel like there's too much inside, I'm overwhelmed yet so hollow, I'm pained yet I'm not crying, The tears I wish would flow, I don't know why they can't anymore. Mourning the loss of your friendship got me here, Why is it that I can't remember losing you as my lover then? Could it have been so long ago that my heart no longer remembers? Could it be that I was too young to feel deeper then? I can't fathom how I did it then, How I survived such a heartbreak, How I have so much changed after it, I don't know them all. To talk to you again was a surprise, I welcomed it but thought it could be a disguise, It was so long since we held a conversation, It made no sense to feel comfortable, Yet we were fools to feel the connection once more, We lingered in talks when we weren't...

Sometimes I over think I eventually over feel In the process of it, I over love Unfortunately, in the end, I over stress Such things make me conflicted I feel so confused Why can't living be so easy? Why can't loving be done simply? Being hurt happens to everybody Pain is a part of living We move on, we learn Some days I have so many thoughts Some days I have too much emotion Some days I feel so empty Being with a crowd and yet so lonely Is this what I will always be? I'm so done, I feel overwhelmed When everything just hurts even my head My heart longs for something else I yearn to belong somewhere else I guess to some it ends up in tragedy but I hope not me I don't want to be this way I hate to be suffering Yet here I am doing the same thing each day Some days I stare blankly into nothingness as my tears roll away Maybe if I close my eyes it will all just go away But this is not a fantasy This is nothing but reality No matter how ...

Nobody ever really asks you whether you are happy They only ask if you are tired or okay Nobody ever really asks the right questions Does anybody ever really care? Does it matter if there is no one there? Do you feel like you're just breaking down but all you can do is quietly despair? Life is a big battle Everybody's too busy surviving They want to care, to listen, to talk But all they can do is ignore you, sympathize with you or stare How deep have I dug myself into this time? How far am I from where my heart should lie? I'm so broken these days but I still function on the outside I smile and do what I am supposed to do Even my soul screams on the inside I curse, I writhe in agony, I despise The life I'm living is nothing but a lie How shameful this life is for me How badly I wanted to live simply before I die Is this all that is there for me? Is there nothing more in store for me? I keep on wondering, I keep on dreaming The "what ifs...

I haven't blogged in forever. I think the last time I blogged I wasn't in a good place. But then again, whoever said I am in a better place at present? This new blog came to be because I felt like I needed an outlet -- different from my personal blog which I already filled with a lot about me personally. This blog, however, will be more of my creative outlet. A place for poetry. A place for my random musings. A place where I can post my thoughts no matter how crazy they are or how happy they are. I am thinking of this place as a form of a release. A place of freedom. A place of solitude. I don't know whether people will be reading this. But I do believe I need a place to keep them all intact aside from the notes and notebooks I have in my drawers each day. I hope this will be the place I want it to be...