Can We Still Be Friends?

source: Konbini on Instagram: “📷 @martasyrko”

There are so many things I want to say,
So many reasons I wish to convey,
Yet my mind is a blur,
I feel like there's too much inside,
I'm overwhelmed yet so hollow,
I'm pained yet I'm not crying,
The tears I wish would flow,
I don't know why they can't anymore.

Mourning the loss of your friendship got me here,
Why is it that I can't remember losing you as my lover then?
Could it have been so long ago that my heart no longer remembers?
Could it be that I was too young to feel deeper then?
I can't fathom how I did it then,
How I survived such a heartbreak,
How I have so much changed after it,
I don't know them all.

To talk to you again was a surprise,
I welcomed it but thought it could be a disguise,
It was so long since we held a conversation,
It made no sense to feel comfortable,
Yet we were fools to feel the connection once more,
We lingered in talks when we weren't meant to,
Now, we're both confused,
Why do we both feel so used?

This turmoil brewing inside of me,
I don't know what will this do to me,
In two months, we've become friends again,
Who knew it could happen?
But now I know it is all a lie,
A lie I made up to make me feel better,
We can never be friends again,
We can't because we used to love each other back then.

Maybe I expected too much,
And perhaps you did too,
How can we ever get pass this?
The awkwardness is too much now,
I don't think we can bear it,
Is this the end of reconnecting?
Is this really the end?
Or are we just giving this an end for now?

There are still so many questions left unanswered,
So many things left unsaid,
Will we ever truly find the closure we needed?
Or will we just continue to torment ourselves instead?
Our hearts may not be dead,
Yet we are no longer free,
Let's not get stuck in fantasy,
Unless you want to be all in in this fallacy.

I will continue to wonder about you,
Even though I said I won't,
I don't think I love you anymore,
Yet I still dare to care,
This is all part of my nature,
The pain is all for me to bear,
If being friends again was never a good idea to begin with,
Why did we even dare to push through with it then?

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