Never Really Me



Nobody ever really asks you whether you are happy
They only ask if you are tired or okay
Nobody ever really asks the right questions
Does anybody ever really care?
Does it matter if there is no one there?
Do you feel like you're just breaking down but all you can do is quietly despair?
Life is a big battle
Everybody's too busy surviving
They want to care, to listen, to talk
But all they can do is ignore you, sympathize with you or stare
How deep have I dug myself into this time?
How far am I from where my heart should lie?
I'm so broken these days but I still function on the outside
I smile and do what I am supposed to do
Even my soul screams on the inside
I curse, I writhe in agony, I despise
The life I'm living is nothing but a lie
How shameful this life is for me
How badly I wanted to live simply before I die
Is this all that is there for me?
Is there nothing more in store for me?
I keep on wondering, I keep on dreaming
The "what ifs" and "oh wells" clawing at me
I'm so angry, frustrated and somehow alone
I feel on edge, I feel like I'm losing time
I'm not myself lately, I just feel like floating away
Is this the life that was meant for me?
Or is this all a bad dream to me?
For now, I will always overthink
For now, I will just endure until I bleed
This is reality and it is ugly
I don't want to be here most days
I never really felt free
But here I am sucking it up
Living miserably like everybody
Because I am only human and this is what destiny brought to me
I am no one
Just another vessel
Just another person
Never really me...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Don't Say You Miss Me

  What is up with this dull ache? I can't fathom why it is back again. I have buried it a long time ago. I have moved on. And yet after so many years, it has recurred once again. I don't know how to describe it. I don't feel comfortable with it. Times have changed and yet it stayed the same. Why do I have to think about you again? Why am I suddenly thinking about us way back when? You didn't have to tell me you missed me. We have been living apart for years already. I don't know how to react. Should I say the same back? So many questions linger. So many thoughts continue to stay. This wasn't me then. You were in love with the me back then. But why do you keep on telling me that nothing really changed? Why now? Why not sooner? Everything is just too sudden. Everything is just confusing to me. You waited. You sure bid your time. I did and then I moved forward. Isn't that the right to do? Isn't that what people who break up do? I guess you did too or maybe ...
Read more

Overboard

Image
Sometimes I over think I eventually over feel In the process of it, I over love Unfortunately, in the end, I over stress Such things make me conflicted I feel so confused Why can't living be so easy? Why can't loving be done simply? Being hurt happens to everybody Pain is a part of living We move on, we learn Some days I have so many thoughts Some days I have too much emotion Some days I feel so empty Being with a crowd and yet so lonely Is this what I will always be? I'm so done, I feel overwhelmed When everything just hurts even my head My heart longs for something else I yearn to belong somewhere else I guess to some it ends up in tragedy but I hope not me I don't want to be this way I hate to be suffering Yet here I am doing the same thing each day Some days I stare blankly into nothingness as my tears roll away Maybe if I close my eyes it will all just go away But this is not a fantasy This is nothing but reality No matter how ...
Read more

Mourning Loss Friendships

It is funny and sad to realize that the person you used to spend so much time with talking to has suddenly become a stranger to you. Remembering what you had in common then and comparing then and now, doesn't help. You are only left wondering what made you like each other in the first place. Such bittersweet moments make life different. They make us change. I realize that now. I'm not angry about it. I'm pondering. I have always been an over thinker and analyzing situations keep me busy sometimes. I know I have made some questionable decisions in the past and even now I feel like I have still. But they always say never regret making them for they can either teach you something or perhaps even take you to a better place. Perhaps I am a little bit upset. When it comes losing connections, I feel the loss. Although I am good at hiding it or I am good at keeping myself distracted, my feelings and thoughts remain glued to it. Just recently I found myself in a dilemma. I used...
Read more